La conception d’un enfant par don de spermatozoïdes concerne environ 1000^{2https://www.agence-biomedecine.fr/annexes/bilan2017/donnees/procreation/01-amp/synthese.htm.} naissances par an en France. Si les recherches sur les inséminations artificielles avec spermatozoïdes de donneur (IAD) témoignent du bon développement de l’enfant, les interrogations subsistent sur les obstacles rencontrés par les parents pour informer l’enfant de sa conception. Nous proposons un modèle de compréhension remettant le couple et sa dynamique au centre de la réflexion.

Des couples IAD ont été rencontrés pendant la grossesse, aux 3 mois et aux 18 mois de l’enfant. L’observation s’appuie sur des entretiens semi-directifs. La réalisation d’une séquence de jeu avec leur bébé (Lausanne Triadic Play) a permis d’observer la dynamique interactive et le coparentage.

Les résultats témoignent de la place que prend le don ou le donneur, dans l’espace psychique des parents. Les observations révèlent les entraves à la révélation à l’enfant de son mode de conception, risquant de fragiliser le couple. Le coparentage se caractérise par une dynamique « d’enfant au centre » de l’alliance familiale.

L’organisation conjugale témoigne de certains aménagements défensifs consécutifs au don. Ceux-ci, associés à la singularité du coparentage, révélant une sensibilité des parents aux signaux négatifs de leur enfant, pourraient expliquer les craintes des couples à parler du don à leur enfant. Une réflexion des professionnels s’impose sur choix des parents de dire ou non sa conception à l’enfant car il soulève des enjeux importants tant pour le couple que pour la dynamique familiale. Un accompagnement des couples pourrait alors être proposé.

In France, children conceived by sperm donation concerns about 1000 births a year. Researches show that Artificial Insemination with sperm donor (AID) have no impact on the child's development, but interrogations remain regarding the disclosure to the child of its conception with a donor. The majority of couples reported wanting to talk to their child later, yet only 10% of couples do so, regardless of the current legislation in terms of anonymity. In this research, we focus on the couple's dynamics and co-parenting to observe family alliance and communication. Co-parenting refers to the support that adults provide for one another in the raising of children for whom they share responsibility. A harmonious co-parental alliance would be predictive of a good development of the child, even more than the conjugal alliance.

This research was conducted as a three step procedure with semi-structured interviews and questionnaires. In depth, interviews were conducted with eight couples (16 participants) who conceived with sperm donation. Couples where eligible if it was their first child for both parents. Couples were first met at eight months of pregnancy, a second meeting with their child at three months and another when the child was 18 months. At three months and 18 months, couples participated at an interactive play with their baby, an LTP (Lausanne Triadic Play). The interactive dynamic of the couple with the child and co-parenting were observed.

Our observations show that the co-parental and conjugal dynamics provide information on parents’ difficulties to evoke the donor's subject with the child. We observe an identification to one another between the two members of the couple and a “denial pact” concerning the existence of the donor needed to maintain the cohesion of the conjugal and parental couple. Furthermore, co-parenting showed a “child-at-center” dynamic which reveals the parents’ sensitivity to negative signals expressed by their child.

The couples had a tendency to avoid what would weaken their relationship. The child, at-the-center of the couple and the family, tells us about a difficulty for couples to deal with negative emotions such as distress, sadness or anger, observable both between them and with the child. This could also explain parents’ fears and difficulties regarding disclosure. A psychological support could be offered to families who use sperm donation to conceive their child.